Nerd's talk

I can only loose 2 marks to get an A for an ethical subject. I think my excellent streak is loosing its charm. Where art thou my excellence? Don't leave me yet.

I aim for an A for every subject. It was easy-ier then. But now, its either I'm getting sillier or the people around me are getting smarter. I would prefer the latter.

Its no fun studying and then getting grades less than that. Its no fun putting alot of tears and sweat when the marks awarded are less than perfection. Scary huh. Its stressful because every mark counts. Every one less mark is like a puncture in the heart.

I hear you say, "Don't take it so seriously. Its only your studies."
and I hear another from the back row,"You're graduating. Let it be no matter how much you get this sem it will not effect you."

I sit for exams like it was in foundation. I get all nervous and all worked up for the exam. The only thing different now.. I don't get to answer the questions properly. Maybe I am getting old or maybe the subjects don't suit me.

I need to get back on track. At least for this time.

*Looks to the heavens with pleading eyes*

I hear someone say "Your life is not fun at all. Relax have some fun"

Maybe I'm just boring.

You choose.

=.=

Life is not easy ='(

I use to hear people say life is not a bed of roses. I use not to understand when they say it. I take life as simple and I love shortcuts and fast-paced life. One decision being, entering into the university. It is not my passion nor is I see myself to be in the future. I still question it it was the right choice or was it because I just wanted to get an education so I didn't think much.

Have this degree got me far? How can my interest and the degree be so different that it is so hard even when applying for a job. An interest and a degree when they conflict it is hard to even do job search. But I'm not giving up. At least I hope I won't. Can I just settle and pretend I like what I don't and fake my way in for the next 20 years of my life?

"Its a good package. But I'm sorry we don't offer this job." What do you think when you hear it. I don't know what to think. Should I be happy or sad? Or should I forget it and move on.

Its not easy for me. It isn't. Lord please make my life a little easier. How to dream big dreams when I can only go so far.

I have an exam tomorrow. At least give me some hope somewhere.

*Looks to the heavens*

15 days to freedom

My little personal countdown!! Yeps its 15 days till I bid farewell to my undergraduate studies!! I am so excited. Last paper would be Corporate Ethics. ahh.. how ethical. =)

Looking back 4.5 years I can say there were alot of tears, pain, depression, sadness.. all bad stuff huh?.. but.. it doesn't equal the fun I have. What fun some might ask. Well, fun as defined by me is getting to meet new people, hang out with them, talk till the wee hours of the morning, doing CSI work in foundation was by far the most exciting. =) Most may think I'm a boring person yes? Stay in my room, study, go back home study. Haha.. hmm.. that's just a perception. =) It's alright if you think that way. =) I'm pretty use to it. It's ok if you think I'm a nerd I'm use to it too. Or maybe I always wanted you to perceive me that way. Maybe I am or maybe I am not. =) You choose. Maybe I am not a fun person at all or maybe I am. I can't please everyone now can I? =D

Ahh well, 4.5 years have gone by. I have made friends and loose some. I have not achieve what I have planned to achieve in the university but there is no turning back and there is nothing that I can erase and re-do. Disappointed but it is over. =) And I am glad that this 4.5 years is over. =)

Having said that, I will miss my friends =). Although I have not spend much time with you. But the little time that we have together is enough for me to have many fond memories of us.

I wish you all, all the best in your final exam!! And hope to see each other more often. (I think I should be in uni more often eh? =))

xx

am i ok?

Edrea, are you ok?
yea sir, im ok.
you look like you're not ok.. are u sick?
no sir, im ok.

maybe im not?.. but i can't diagnose myself.

why did i choose to wear a kurung to class today?.. its not that i did not do my laundry.. its cos i just chose to wear and that is not normal.

if i were a snail i could hide under my shell and come out when i want to. but i think something crushed my shell so i have no place to hide any longer.

i want to be like Lump in The Witch's Boy to sink under the earth and stay there. i want to hide in a cave so that no one can find me.

i want to go some place far so that no one will know me. or wear a mask so that no one can recognize me.

Fall down

I fell down today.boo.

bitter...

When I cannot find anymore words to say.
When I've said it too many times.
When I've tried to say it.
When there is too much to say...

It just gets worst

It just gets worst
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I wonder why; said
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I don't but I wish it was another
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I can't.. hypocrite..
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I think I'm sleep deprived
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Just don't ok..